Guilt and letting go

Everytime I veer from the course of action I am on I feel tremendous guilt, knowing I could do better and watch my carb intake better. Sometimes my choices are not the best, knowingly or even unknowingly. When I do consume too many carbs, I feel it. I feel the rush of the sugar to my head, it is almost instaneous, like my glucose levels are surging, and I am not even diabetic. It is crazy to think that just three weeks of watching carbohydrate intake I already feel a difference and can feel it when I consume too many carbs.

While today wasn’t my designated “cheat” day, I consumed too many carbs by allowing in foods that weren’t necessarily bad, but very high in carbs. Subway sandwich? Yes. Small cup of frozen yogurt? Yes. Tons of carbs for one day. I didn’t even log what I ate today because I didn’t want to depress myself any further.

When I am over my intake for the day and regardless of whether it is due to poor carb choices or not, I feel like I have failed the program I am on. No matter what people say about not beating myself up, I still do. I am still trying to learn how to deal with the carb cravings, eating or “cheating” in moderation, and how to handle failure, or what I perceive to be failure. In the long run, I always pick myself back up and start over again with the best of intentions. I hope I eventually get it right.

With the holidays just around the corner there will be many temptations, but my boyfriend and I have devised a plan to keep me on track and to have a healthier Thanksgiving. We will do the turkey, of course, I will make gravy from the drippings as usual (with limited flour for the roux), a small amount of my beloved mashed potatoes (Yukon golds), a small amount of *gasp* boxed Stovetop stuffing (don’t judge me, it’s the only kind we like, and we only eat it once or twice a year), we will be sautéing up some low glycemic veggies, such as zucchini, onions, peppers and sprouts maybe. Maybe broccoli. I will be making pumpkin pie from scratch, with an Almond Flour crust and using ingredients I see fit for my low-carb lifestyle. Plus this way I know exactly what is going into my body.

I feel rather good about our plans for Thanksgiving and feel confident that I will be on par for what I need to be and make sure that I stay on track that day, give or take a little more carbs but not overdoing it. My goal is to walk away from Thanksgiving having consumed no more than 100 grams of carbs that day.