On a brighter note…

I forgot to add to my last blog, I bought some clothes last year before our local Avenue closed down. I had a dress that I knew was too tight and wouldn’t ever wear because of it. It was a “goal dress”. On a whim, yesterday I put the dress on, and now, the dress is loose in the waist, stomach and strap area. I cannot say how good this feels. This is another reason that keeps me going.

I have re-read my blogs and it looks like I yo-yo a lot, and maybe to the readers I make excuses. It’s easy for someone who hasn’t been there in the body of a super morbidly obese person’s to automatically assume that a person who has reverted back to old habits is doing so because they are making excuses, or are weak, or can’t hack it. We ALL have our moments where we can’t do what we want to do, and it brings us down. For me it’s the pain that has intensified despite the 30 pound weight loss. When pain is involved it is tough to make yourself exercise especially if that pain is debilitating and you can hardly move. 

Another thing that I recently realized is that I cannot continue the use of the Phentermine. I consulted my doctor, and he advised me to go off the Phentermine for a few days after I had problems with severe acid reflux. I already have GERD and have been on Prevacid for years. That coupled with watching what foods I eat has helped the acid reflux to lessen. However, starting the Phentermine led to severe acid reflux to the point where nothing was helping. I was drinking milk, taking TUMs, my Prevacid, but nothing helped. It was uncomfortable and downright tough to deal with. It lead to other uncomfortable problems as well. I have not been on the Phentermine since last week. I am afraid to start it up again. Since I stopped it, I have had little to absolutely NO acid reflux (and taking my Prevacid daily as usual). This is a bit of a bummer, but I must deal with it. It led me to another realization – my stomach is incredibly sensitive and fussy to a lot of medications and supplements that I cannot take a lot. How am I to know my stomach wouldn’t react this way to a Lapsleeve should I get one in the future? That was another reason I did not look into it in the past. Colon cancer, ulcers, and diverticulitis runs in my family (maternal side) and every last one of us have sensitive stomachs. I am screened every 5 years for colon cancer as it killed my mother’s sister at age 29. My last colonoscopy was last September and they found a couple of polyps but all was well.  My GI said that if there are no recurrences of colon cancer in that family in the next couple of years, we can stretch my next screening out to 10 years. Since my aunt died in the mid 70’s (before I was born), no one has been diagnosed or died from colon cancer. I truly believe my sensitive stomach is why I cannot take a lot of medications or supplements.

But the fact that some of my “goal” clothes are fitting is tremendous. I need to start throwing out my “fat” clothes. They make me feel huge in them. It’s hard to deal with when I wear them. I haven’t been able to part with them, and they are over 5 years old…