On a brighter note…

I forgot to add to my last blog, I bought some clothes last year before our local Avenue closed down. I had a dress that I knew was too tight and wouldn’t ever wear because of it. It was a “goal dress”. On a whim, yesterday I put the dress on, and now, the dress is loose in the waist, stomach and strap area. I cannot say how good this feels. This is another reason that keeps me going.

I have re-read my blogs and it looks like I yo-yo a lot, and maybe to the readers I make excuses. It’s easy for someone who hasn’t been there in the body of a super morbidly obese person’s to automatically assume that a person who has reverted back to old habits is doing so because they are making excuses, or are weak, or can’t hack it. We ALL have our moments where we can’t do what we want to do, and it brings us down. For me it’s the pain that has intensified despite the 30 pound weight loss. When pain is involved it is tough to make yourself exercise especially if that pain is debilitating and you can hardly move. 

Another thing that I recently realized is that I cannot continue the use of the Phentermine. I consulted my doctor, and he advised me to go off the Phentermine for a few days after I had problems with severe acid reflux. I already have GERD and have been on Prevacid for years. That coupled with watching what foods I eat has helped the acid reflux to lessen. However, starting the Phentermine led to severe acid reflux to the point where nothing was helping. I was drinking milk, taking TUMs, my Prevacid, but nothing helped. It was uncomfortable and downright tough to deal with. It lead to other uncomfortable problems as well. I have not been on the Phentermine since last week. I am afraid to start it up again. Since I stopped it, I have had little to absolutely NO acid reflux (and taking my Prevacid daily as usual). This is a bit of a bummer, but I must deal with it. It led me to another realization – my stomach is incredibly sensitive and fussy to a lot of medications and supplements that I cannot take a lot. How am I to know my stomach wouldn’t react this way to a Lapsleeve should I get one in the future? That was another reason I did not look into it in the past. Colon cancer, ulcers, and diverticulitis runs in my family (maternal side) and every last one of us have sensitive stomachs. I am screened every 5 years for colon cancer as it killed my mother’s sister at age 29. My last colonoscopy was last September and they found a couple of polyps but all was well.  My GI said that if there are no recurrences of colon cancer in that family in the next couple of years, we can stretch my next screening out to 10 years. Since my aunt died in the mid 70’s (before I was born), no one has been diagnosed or died from colon cancer. I truly believe my sensitive stomach is why I cannot take a lot of medications or supplements.

But the fact that some of my “goal” clothes are fitting is tremendous. I need to start throwing out my “fat” clothes. They make me feel huge in them. It’s hard to deal with when I wear them. I haven’t been able to part with them, and they are over 5 years old…

If this doesn’t motivate you , I don’t know what will…

I saw a re-tweet on Twitter from an article about a man who lost nearly 400 lbs due to inspiration and encouragement he received from someone he met online. The article can be read here:


I will admit that due to the debilitating pain I have been dealing with for the past month or so (with last week being the worst week for me), I have not had much motivation. I went to physical therapy on Friday and wasn’t able to do my normal 12 minutes on the NuStep recumbent bike. I got to 8 and a half and that was all I could do. My left knee is starting to give me more trouble than normal, even with 30 lbs gone. I have been hobbling everywhere I go. I have iced and heated my knee with no relief. I have used BioFreeze on my knee and it keeps swelling up and popping. I have no clue where this is coming from. It has made me feel despair, anguish and anger that I won’t be able to get further in my goals. I know it’s just a bump in the road but a massive bump, pothole…and I don’t want to deal with getting a knee replaced just yet so I am hoping that I can strengthen my ankles up enough to walk more.

I haven’t been to my gym since March 12th. My work-outs have consisted of physical therapy recumbent bike work outs and walking here and there. The larger part of it is due to lack of time and no vehicle (my boyfriend and I share one vehicle and that vehicle has to now have its damn transmission checked – BRAND NEW CAR too…thank god for warranty but really? I digress). And it is also in large part of the fear of the pain. When I work out on the recumbent bike, my left ankle mostly is the one that is bothered, the outside of it, since I pronate when I walk, my ankles are very weak. I have to get back, but finding the time right now with my busy schedule is very hard. So I need to do more walking or whatever else I can do.

I don’t want to gain the weight back. I want to take an additional 30 lbs off…I want to continue to see results. Seeing that article gives me hope that I can get it done. It’s just a matter of getting my crap together. For one, by stopping with eating the wrong foods, which I have been for the past week, and two, by getting more activity in. I am no longer really monitoring my carb intake, instead watching what I eat and how much of it I eat. I haven’t been using my MFP app either. I want to see if I can continue to lose weight by doing that instead of low-carbing. But I need to do it, lol.

Weigh-in update

Last Friday I went into my doctor’s office for another check up. I’m down another 2 lbs for a total of 29 lb weight loss in 6 months time. I would round it up to 30 lbs considering the shoes I wore are pretty heavy and I did not take them off for weigh-in. I have to say that I look at a 30 lb weight loss as a HUGE milestone for me. I haven’t lost 30 lbs in a very very long time. So my progress may be slow but I have never showed a gain since the second weigh-in prior to my nutrition plan/counseling. That’s consistent weight loss. If we divide it into months, that is 5 lbs/month. Slow and steady but a good amount of weight has been lost. It’s definitely something I am incredibly proud of.

I am still going through the motions with the pain I am dealing with right now. My body in rebellion mode from the increased activity and the loss of body weight. I looked at my BMI and I have dropped FIVE BMI points from the 30 lb weight loss. Incredible, but not without some repercussions. My guess is that my body is used to the extra 30 lbs and is trying to adjust to the lack of it. Some days the pain is better than others, and I wake up ready to spring out of bed, but those days are far and few in between. I think it is a mix of both the weight loss and Spring playing tricks on me. My joints hurt especially during rain. 

I just finished Physical Therapy for my neck and shoulder but am back in PT again for my ankles, which are and have always been weak. When I was about 4, my left leg was broken in a freak accident. At my PT evaluation, I found out my left knee has a deformity where it is pointing towards the insides of my thighs instead of straight out. My PT told me that eventually I will need a knee replacement as it is not something that can be corrected with PT. Same with my ankles, so we are focusing on strengthening my ankles with exercises and resistance bands. PT is going well for now. I just haven’t been able to fit in gym time outside of my exercise at PT. I do tend to take walks at work otherwise, but I haven’t seen the inside of my gym since March 12th, and got an email from my gym (auto-generated, I am sure) showing concern as to why I haven’t been at the gym in over a month. Life happens.

I am still pretty happy with my progress so far, though I am not being strict on my nutrition plan or exercise. Hopefully with summer I will kick it more into gear.

Wow, it’s been a while, no?

I admit it, I stopped blogging. I lost my mojo. Between my injury to my shoulder and falling off of the wagon I just couldn’t get it together. Then there’s Spring, which is my worst time of year. For the past couple of years Spring hits me very hard. I fall into a crippling depression, my body hurts and I have zero motivation. It took me last month to realize that Spring is my Winter. So I went to see my doctors and we discussed this. First my weight loss doctor on the 18th, and to my surprise, I dropped another 4 lbs, putting me at a grand total of 27 lbs of weight loss since late October. Then I saw my exercise doctor last Friday, and finally my primary care doctor on Monday. 

With my weight loss doctor (who is brilliant), he wanted to run a complete blood count on me to make sure my levels on everything was okay, and we discussed going on Phentermine for the continued support of weight loss. I had been iffy about it in the past because I really did not want to use pills to lose weight, but my doctor had mentioned the use of Phentermine to help with mood and depression, so I was willing to try it. I am on a half pill of 37.5 mg a day, under doctor supervision. At first the side effects were massive bloating if I ate too many carbs, and no appetite whatsoever. Now it’s not a problem. No constipation…yet. Yeah, TMI I know. We will see how it goes. Last Friday I went in to see my exercise doc (same place my weight loss doc is at) and my weight loss doc pulled me aside to go over my blood panel with me (this is what I appreciate about him – I don’t have an appointment with him but he takes the time to see me to show me – what a doc!), and everything looks good. Progesterone is on track but I need to keep taking my Progesterone pills to keep my hormones in balance. So we will continue to monitor that and with the help of the Crave Arrest (amino acids) and Phentermine, I will continue to lose weight. We also decided to change up my nutrition plan – no more than 95 grams of protein a day, which is so much more doable for me, and under 100 grams of carbs a day (ideally 80). This doesn’t put so much stress on me. The doctor said if I can still lose weight without really sticking to the plan and the exercise has helped, then there’s no need to go super low carb. Yes, I am losing weight slowly, but there is progress made every month. Small numbers, but no gain since I started. That is a great sign.

When I saw my exercise doctor I told her how I had been doing with my physical therapy with my neck/shoulder. I am just about done and doing better, but will have to go to PT throughout my life here and there for it. It’s been an on-going issue for years. I told her I have had trouble with the recumbent bike. It leads to really bad ankle pain that makes me jump off of the bike…and so she had me walk for her…and I found out that I pronate or supinate on my left ankle, and I roll my right ankle as I walk. She suggested that I see an orthopedic doctor to see about getting some good orthotics. I told her that weak ankles run in my family and I have sprained my ankles numerous times, in fact, I nearly BROKE my ankle (left) years ago. I compensate with my left side, and put all of my weight on my left side, so something needed to be done.  She also wrote me up a new exercise plan after I told her I hopped on an elliptical (for the hell of it) while we were staying overnight at a hotel…told her it was tough but fun. I tried the elliptical at work, but it was too hard so I didn’t do it. She said try to do the elliptical at 5 minute intervals 2-3 times when I am at the gym. Goal is 2-3 days/wk, but my primary care doc says otherwise (will explain below). I have been working out on a NuStep recumbent bike at PT that is SO much easier than a pedaling recumbent bike – plus you have the arms which is nice.

Then on Monday when I went to see my regular doc, I told him what my exercise doc said, and instead of seeing an orthopedic, he wants me to go to physical therapy (GROAN) for my ankle and wrote me up a script, to see if I can get assessed there first, which makes sense, and rehab my way of walking. When I was very little (like 2 years old), I was put into leg braces for walking funny and according to my dad, it did nothing. Over the years, like I said above, I have sprained my ankle (left a few times, not sure about my right ankle) numerous times. So I hope that PT for my ankle will help me, and maybe some good insoles/orthotics might help. I wear Nikes and while everyone is giving me their unsolicited advice about buying expensive shoes or going to a specialty store to get fitted for specific shoes, I am hoping that the Nikes I just bought will be helpful and maybe I can get some orthotics that will work with them. I don’t necessarily have the money to spend on new shoes at the moment… Also, my primary doctor said no more gym until I am done with rehabbing my ankle…so…there is that. Which sucks, but I haven’t been to the gym since March 12th, and have strictly worked out during PT anyhow…

Overall I am still on track. Some days are better than others.