For the past several days (almost a week), I have been off my nutrition plan, not logging my food intake in my MFP, and pretty much not paying mind to what I have been putting in my body. The major reason was due to a lack of finances and dwindling stock of protein choices. Last night I shopped and stocked up on the things I needed, so today I am back at it, doing what needs to be done, logging my food intake and watching my carb, calorie and protein intake.
I’ve noticed I am swollen again and my stomach is bloated and poochy (what I call it). I’m a big girl to begin with, but my stomach is my worst part on my body. After years of infertility, Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, and insulin resistance, the gut is what suffered the most, storing the most fat, and my stomach definitely shows it. Like other women with this problem, I am incredibly self-conscious of the size of my stomach and try to cover it as much as possible, but let’s be real – no matter how you dice it, you cannot hide it. I hope with the continued nutrition plan and exercise, I can get that part of my body slimmed down to where I can forget it. However, I won’t lie – no matter how much weight I lose, I know that I will always see my stomach and see myself as a fat girl.
As a fat person, you realize what your limitations are, what you can and cannot fit in, and your fear of it. For example, getting into what seems to be a small, compact car. If you are a fat person, you immediately fear it. You sit there thinking, oh my god, am I going to even fit? Sometimes you misjudge it and then get into the car and find out that you have more room than you thought you did. I can’t tell you how many times I have been there, or worried that a seat belt wasn’t going to fit, or having to hold a seat belt to make it look like I had it on because that seat belt didn’t fit. These are real problems when you are bigger.
I wish people would stop with their judgment over it, try carrying that excess weight on your body and the shame and embarrassment that goes along with it.
In the end, I’m not just looking for a “quick fix” to lose this weight. I’m looking to lose that weight, keep it off, and maintain a different type of lifestyle. I know what happened this week will happen again. What I did to counter-balance the heavy carb intake was eat carbs that were healthier, such as beans. Let’s be real, when money is tight, you do what you have to do to make sure you have enough food in your body to give you what you need for fuel. However, if you have healthier alternatives, by all means, use them.
Again, I move forward and try to persevere through the adversity.