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When is enough enough?

I really want to give this a try, I want to keep doing what I am doing, but it’s bordering on obsessive on me trying to make less carbs work by cutting out foods in my meals via MFP. Not to mention, I am so weakened at times, that I have had a couple of bouts of nearly passing out, or losing the strength in my legs to stand. This has NEVER happened before and I am VERY concerned. My concerns are valid, and I feel like they have been pushed to the side in lieu of being told to just “consume more sodium”. I consumed more sodium yesterday and even then, when I got home from work, I was dead to the world. I was so exhausted, physically tired and when I went into the kitchen, that is when I lost the strength in my legs. That scared me. It makes you wonder what is going on in your body and what more your body can handle without completely breaking down on you.

People tell you to think of your body as a vehicle. It needs maintenance and care, or it won’t hold up. Then I think of my truck, that is just sitting outside and is not being driven. After 16 years and 159k miles later, he is so tired that I think he’s ready for permanent rest. The signs were there – rough idle, wanting to stall, accelerating was sluggish and poor, and abrupt stops. I maintained my vehicle, but perhaps there is something I missed. Then there’s me, 35 years old with a lot of weight, body is tired, achy, muscles are cramping, physical activity very low at the moment due to this problem, so I try to maintain my body the way I have been told to and the best way I know how to, but yet I am clearly missing something. Like with my truck, I am not giving up on my body, or myself. 

So what is next? Clearly, I cannot keep obsessing about my carb intake the way I have been, and let’s be honest, no matter WHAT I cut out or how much of it I cut out, I am lucky if I can keep my carb count to below 60 grams a day. It just won’t happen. What bothers me the most and makes me want to pull my hair out is the fact that my nurse is telling me to make sure I am getting 15 grams of carbs with every large meal for my 45, which I am doing, but with my snacks and in between, there are carbs! You can’t always avoid it. Sometimes I feel like they just aren’t hearing me. I understand the notion of “extreme weight loss”, but outside of making me eat nothing but protein and making me turn into an even more cranky, crabby bitch, I don’t know what more can be done. My boyfriend is fed up with it as well, due to the fact that I am so lethargic and weak. They say they aren’t promoting Atkins but when you have someone who needs to be at least 135 grams protein daily with no more than 45-60 grams of carbs a day, I would say you’re pretty damn close to Atkins territory there. 

I read up on ketosis to find out if this is something I am going through, to figure out why my body is so damn weak. What I came up with is the “Keto Flu” and my symptoms are dead on. So maybe this is the Keto Flu and nothing more. I am hoping to break out of this funk and maybe by next week I will feel better at my doctor’s appointment. However, if I am not, they will be getting an earful from me, because I cannot keep putting myself in harm’s way like this. It’s not just the weakness or muscle cramps or dizzy spells or feeling like I’m going to collapse. It’s also the brain fog and the diminished ability to think clearly. My job RELIES on me to stay alert and focused, and with a new promotion in hand, I won’t jeopardize that for ANYTHING.

My hope is that in the next few days I can get over this slump and that I will start to feel normal again. The positive out of this is that my clothes are starting to fit more loosely, one shirt in particular that I wore yesterday that typically is tight on, was literally hanging OFF of me, and I didn’t realize this until after I got into office yesterday. Oops. Also, it is making me realize just how much food I was shoveling into my mouth and how many carbs I really was eating. Just measuring food and knowing the nutrition facts alone has opened my eyes up to what I have been putting in my body all of these years. It’s not just about weight loss, this is a lifestyle change. I just hope that this whole “Keto Flu” thing passes and soon. Regardless of whether they keep me on (or I agree to continue!) extreme low carbs, watching carb intake for the rest of my life is going to happen. My goal is no more than 60 grams of carbs a meal. It’s still small in comparison to what I was eating before, BUT, much more doable than what I am currently doing. 

Now I feel a little bit more positive. I just want out of the slump.

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About Mommy Needs a Valium

A California girl stuck in the Pacific Northwest.

2 responses to “When is enough enough?

  1. I think of you daily. Hope your body can resolve its issues soon.

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