Back on track

It hasn’t been an easy feat but so far I have been back on track. Under 55 grams of carbs daily since Monday. Tomorrow is my true test…my my goal being under 80 grams of carbs. Can I do it?? I sure hope so. Tis the season for overindulgence. Even if I go over my allotted 80 grams, I can pick myself back up and go back to my desired goal of under 60 grams a day. It isn’t the end of the world. Trying to tell myself this doesn’t always work for me.

Yesterday I was suffering from some really wicked carb cravings to the point where I wanted to cry and yell at someone. I was sick of salad, sick of meat, wanted something of substance to fill me up and not leave me with a “still hungry” feeling. I also craved something sweet and starchy. So to quell my desire, I took some peanut butter (about 2 tbsp) and put a little bit of pancake syrup in it, mixed together and couldn’t even finish it. I figure about 1 tbsp is more than enough to get that sweet tooth kick out of my system. Don’t judge me for using pancake syrup or Skippy PB! It was minimal carbs and at that point I did NOT care. You do what you have to do to get past something like that.

Tomorrow our lunch will be cooked early, and everything will be good to go. I’m supposed to start cooking my pumpkin pie shortly, but haven’t gotten a chance to get to it just yet. Hopefully I will do that soon.

Here’s to staying on track. I hope…

Bad week last week

It is no secret that I had a bad week last week…my diet was completely off and I ate more carbs in the past week than I had in the past month (okay, maybe I am exaggerating, but you get the picture). Between stopping the Progesterone, the hostility, the mood swings, the stomach issues, I had just had it. Today I am not even trying as the Packers are getting their asses kicked by the Vikings (WTF!!!!) as well. I’m actually finding myself eating out of pure frustration and this is not good.

So the game plan for the week of Thanksgiving is to get my ass back on track. Low carb to the point of 45 grams a day. Lots of salad and very minimal carbs. We’re talking a ton of protein, unlimited low-glycemic vegs, and keeping myself as active as possible (HAHAHAHAHA). Thanksgiving meal has been planned out carefully and finalized as such: Turkey, small amount of Yukon Gold mashed potatoes, Stovetop stuffing, asparagus, and I am making a pumpkin pie from scratch, however, I am not making an Almond Flour Pie crust. It’ll be just a regular pie crust. I plan on limiting myself with that as well, but I will up my carb intake on Thanksgiving a tad to no more than 80 grams for the day. Measuring will be strictly enforced. I am going out the day after, but will be eating healthy as well. Going out for lunch but picking a restaurant that offers low-carb options, so there you go.

Now is not the time to rest on my laurels. I have a very tempting season ahead of me and if I am going to slip up during this time it needs to be very, very limited. Staying motivated has been hard, and I haven’t been using MFP because I don’t even want to know what I have been consuming. It’s not for lack of effort, it’s for pure ignorance, and I will be the first person to admit it. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, sometimes you just don’t want to know. Prior to measuring food and using MFP I just imagined how many carbs I was putting in my body.

So with this renewed hope and a pep talk to myself, I hope I have given myself enough to push myself further and keep my head on straight. Heading into the holidays on a strict regiment is definitely a tough task to take. Now to get it right.

After this game (which is now close, 23-20 with less than 3 minutes left in the game), I am going to exercise this crap off.

Progesterone trap

Last night I took progesterone against medical advice, and ended up waking up in the middle of the night again and not getting enough sleep, but today I don’t feel hostile or agitated, so I have to wonder if the pros outweigh the cons. It’s hard telling. I have been doing my research on Progesterone usage and the side effects and the one I am truly concerned about is weight gain. This is not conducive to the program I am on, however, I trust my physician’s judgment as he is overseeing my weight loss program as well.

I received an email from my doctor who put in a rx for a lowered dose of Progesterone – dropping from 200 mg to 100 mg. I also asked him about taking it during the morning or afternoon instead of before bed, or if that would create daytime sleepiness. Hopefully this will help. The only other side effect I am seeing today is…umm, bowel issues, to put it mildly. Hopefully the lower dosage will stop those issues as well.

Today I am back on track with the diet and will have consumed 45 carbs if I stick to the plan today. I’m dealing with some nasty acid reflux so right now I have no appetite. I find when I am dealing with GERD I don’t want to eat at all. It sucks.

 

Unmotivated

I have been off of my progesterone and my diet pretty much all week. Since stopping the progesterone, I have become hostile, agitated easily, and am experiencing some really tough side effects that I just do not like. Depression and a huge rut. I just stopped taking it three days ago, and I already feel like shit. I emailed my doctor late tonight and asked if he could lower my dosage, and that I was going to take it tonight.

With all of this moodiness and depression, I have been eating for comfort, something I don’t typically do. Tonight was the worst. I gorged on chocolate again, made cheese quesadillas, and contemplating ice cream, which I am likely to eat. I do not quite understand why it am feeling this way or how I got here. It’s a mix of wanting to cry and just give up on this whole damn thing.

I haven’t felt this unmotivated at all in the past month that I have been on this plan, and I hate that I feel it now. All I can say is that taking away a hormone that I desperately needed and taking it away cold-turkey has been rather detrimental to my health. I have to weigh what is worse- lack of sleep or lack of motivation and being depressed. What if that depression leads me to hurting myself? I don’t want to take that chance.

I am sure my doctor will hear me out. As for the sleep, I am going to have to figure out what to do about that. I need to get back on track with eating again. Right now I am not in the right frame of mind.

Sleep deprived and carb deprived

This is one dangerous combination. Besides the fact that I am throwing tantrums like a 2 year old left and right, I feel like crying and saying (excuse my French), fuck it, to my diet. I am beyond cranky and crabby right now and with the way I feel, I don’t give a crap about Thanksgiving and I will eat what the fuck I want.

Why am I sleep deprived? I started Progesterone in a natural compounded formula about a few weeks ago. For the past week my sleep has been interrupted and I am having trouble staying asleep. Not to mention I am having vivid nightmares. The reason I am so cranky today is because I woke up at 3:30am and was never able to get back to sleep. I didn’t fall asleep until well after 11pm. So I am running on 4 hours of sleep and I am ready to stick my tongue out and stomp my foot and throw myself on the ground crying. My doctor has taken me off of it to see if my sleep will return to normal. If that is the case, I will be put on a lower dosage. I am pissed because it was working, minus the damn sleep problems. Now I am worried I will end up in a depression again.

This is NOT typical behavior of me and it sucks. I am carb deprived, having has under 55 grams of carbs yesterday and today…although I cheated and had some m&ms because my sweet tooth has been horrible lately. Again, I DON’T CARE RIGHT NOW.

So, PBBT.

Today is a success diet-wise

I feel more confident today. I have held my own on my “cheat” day. If I hold strong to what I have said I will be eating, I will have 77 grams of carbs for the day, with 168 grams of protein. With the exception of the fact that I did NOT eat breakfast, I am doing well.  We went to Red Robin for lunch and I was able to substitute my hamburger bun for lettuce instead and instead of fries, chili, which per my MFP was perfect. I had about 1/8th of fries from my daughter’s bottomless fries for the carbs I desired. I am very pleased with this progress, considering that today is my “cheat” day and is my temptation day.

I also had some leg muscle cramps that almost stopped me in the middle of trying to return to the car after a Costco run. The cramps were like a “Charlie Horse” and as we were walking back to our car, I was walking gingerly but trying to hustle at the same time. It was quite painful. When I got back to the car, I stretched out and my boyfriend gave me some of the Magnesium pills I just bought. I picked up Magnesium for the cramping per my physician’s suggestion, and hope that they help with this cramping. It feels funny, and it’s not just in my calves. At times it is also in my groin area and THAT hurts worse than my calves. It’s not like I’m working out, either, so I find it strange. Are our bodies so sensitive to lack of carbs that it takes away from muscle? I thought it was taking away from fat, not muscle?

I rescheduled my Exercise Assessment for the 6th as things will be tight until then. Between the holidays, rent and bills to be paid, it is hard to keep up with everything I need to have done. I am really going to have to put my foot down about seeing my physician only once a month next year because that is going to be all out of pocket as my insurance will not cover the office visits next year. At $100 an office visit, it will be tight. With a car payment things will be tight, so I can’t let them force me into seeing them. If they have to wait a couple of months, so be it.

I just wish I were able to get my stomach issues under control. It’s sensitive to anything and everything I eat.

Guilt and letting go

Everytime I veer from the course of action I am on I feel tremendous guilt, knowing I could do better and watch my carb intake better. Sometimes my choices are not the best, knowingly or even unknowingly. When I do consume too many carbs, I feel it. I feel the rush of the sugar to my head, it is almost instaneous, like my glucose levels are surging, and I am not even diabetic. It is crazy to think that just three weeks of watching carbohydrate intake I already feel a difference and can feel it when I consume too many carbs.

While today wasn’t my designated “cheat” day, I consumed too many carbs by allowing in foods that weren’t necessarily bad, but very high in carbs. Subway sandwich? Yes. Small cup of frozen yogurt? Yes. Tons of carbs for one day. I didn’t even log what I ate today because I didn’t want to depress myself any further.

When I am over my intake for the day and regardless of whether it is due to poor carb choices or not, I feel like I have failed the program I am on. No matter what people say about not beating myself up, I still do. I am still trying to learn how to deal with the carb cravings, eating or “cheating” in moderation, and how to handle failure, or what I perceive to be failure. In the long run, I always pick myself back up and start over again with the best of intentions. I hope I eventually get it right.

With the holidays just around the corner there will be many temptations, but my boyfriend and I have devised a plan to keep me on track and to have a healthier Thanksgiving. We will do the turkey, of course, I will make gravy from the drippings as usual (with limited flour for the roux), a small amount of my beloved mashed potatoes (Yukon golds), a small amount of *gasp* boxed Stovetop stuffing (don’t judge me, it’s the only kind we like, and we only eat it once or twice a year), we will be sautéing up some low glycemic veggies, such as zucchini, onions, peppers and sprouts maybe. Maybe broccoli. I will be making pumpkin pie from scratch, with an Almond Flour crust and using ingredients I see fit for my low-carb lifestyle. Plus this way I know exactly what is going into my body.

I feel rather good about our plans for Thanksgiving and feel confident that I will be on par for what I need to be and make sure that I stay on track that day, give or take a little more carbs but not overdoing it. My goal is to walk away from Thanksgiving having consumed no more than 100 grams of carbs that day.

Carb cravings

I went to my doctor’s today for a check up and I lost 3 measly pounds in the past two and a half weeks. I am not very happy with this but it is better than gaining weight, I suppose. However, in those past couple of weeks I was not able to get up and move (ie: exercise) much due to the lack of energy and feeling weak because of my body transitioning to a low-carb lifestyle. My doctor said that my diet is looking right on, but suggested to continue to wean down my carb intake to try to get to the 45 grams of carb number we were going for, and to not eat a carb with my breakfast and maybe even lunch that way I can pair the most of my carbs up with my dinner. It’s a thought, and I am going to put that out to test. I go in for an exercise evaluation next week to see what I can do to safely exercise and optimize my workout to aid in my weight loss. I would like to get this bandwagon going as soon as humanly possible.

I also discussed with my doctor that my thoughts on the gastric bypass surgery is that I want to try medical weight loss management for a year to see how I do with weight loss on my own. If that doesn’t work out and I am not seeing that I am able to lose the weight, then I might have to consider the LapSleeve and go from there. I am just not ready for a massive surgery at the moment, so I think that this is a better way of handling my weight loss program. Baby steps, right? 

That being said, this is going to be a short blog because I am having really wicked carb cravings right now and I am trying to figure out what we are doing for dinner as I don’t feel like cooking tonight. Til next time…

No motivation to write

I have been dealing with writer’s block for the past few day and I am still stumbling on some issues with it. Mostly it is due to extenuating circumstances that are keeping me from having the time to blog, but here I am today, what a day it has been. If you know me, it is no secret that Sundays are dedicated to watching American football. I am a Green Bay Packers fan (bandwagon, won’t lie) and New Orleans Saints fan (by birth, my mother). Right now the Packers are struggling with not only winning, but keeping their players healthy. Today’s game against the Philadelphia Eagles just proved how vulnerable the team was and is to injuries. Several key players were injured and unable to return, including the second string QB, Aaron Rodger’s back up. Aaron Rodgers is out with a broken collarbone for 4-6 weeks…not the best news in the world and everyone in Packerland is reeling from it but still holding strong for the team to pull through. So Seneca Wallace, the back up, was injured today, something about his groin…and the THIRD string QB, a guy I have never heard of before, Scott Tolzien, had to come in. Tolzien came in off of the practice squad, and despite an interception (or two?), he did the best he could and gave it all he had. I wish Packer fans who are being relentless and merciless on him could understand that this kid is from the practice squad. He isn’t Seneca Wallace and is no Matt Flynn (who the Packers SHOULD bring back, just saying..). Give the kid a break. So who is Tolzien’s backup if HE gets hurt (GOD FORBID)? John Kuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnn. No kidding. Still rooting for and holding for the Pack to get stronger and work on that defense, because they need help. I know they can do it. Next up: The Saints and Cowboys. WHO DAT?

Onto my diet, the Keto Flu seems to have disappeared from my life, with the exception of some bowel issues, which I think we could attribute more to something I ate rather than the low carb/high protein ratio. Friday night we decided to go out to dinner as it was a rare early night off for my boyfriend, and we found ourselves at a local restaurant. I scanned the menu for what I thought would be appropriate enough, and went with a savory chicken breast burger on a ciabiatta bun and a house salad with balsamic vinaigrette. It was a smart choice, however, the carbs in the bun alone was sky-high and put me at 105 grams for the day. It happens. My nurse upped me to 80 grams a day, so I feel more confident in what I am doing now. Yesterday was my “Cheat Day”, and while I didn’t mean to go overboard, when all was said and done, my carb intake was absolutely horrible. 255 grams of carbs! I started off with a Tall Chai Egg Nog Latte and a Chocolate Meringue Cookie from Starbucks, and dinner ended up at Denny’s, where I had a double cheeseburger (trying to sneak in fat and protein the unhealthy way!), but I ate the bun too. I had maybe 1/8th of my fries and gave the rest to my boyfriend. I should have asked for the burger without the bun, but I really wanted the bun, so I gave up my fries for the bun. Smart…not. Oh well. Live and learn.

Today my carbs will be around 65-70 grams, and on target, if I can manage to get the rest of the food down that I have planned. I haven’t been hungry and have been dealing with stomach problems (likely due to the Denny’s food, no doubt) all day. I had a protein shake with Almond Breeze Almond Milk and a scoop of Vanilla Whey Protein Powder. Dinner tonight will be some farm fresh eggs a colleague brought me from the chickens she is raising, some sausage, and not sure about the carb yet…might do an English Muffin. I am also going to try my hand at making Lemon Blondies using Almond Meal and Truvia in place of white flour and sugar.

I am going to do some shopping at Costco next Saturday as we are running out of what we need, so it will be time to stock up on some food to boost my protein. Tuna, string cheese, frozen turkey burgers for my lunches, etc. I am going to also see if they have Almond Meal or Flour in bulk, because I just spent $13 on a small bag that I think equals to 3-4 pounds but I doubt it. Maybe 2 pounds if I am lucky. Bobs Mills Almond Meal. Expensive. I can actually make goodies with this and keep the carbs down. A lot of my friends doing the Paleo diet are obsessed with Almond Meal/Flour and Coconut Oil (another thing I need to buy). Hopefully my next blog will be a post stating that I was successful at making the Lemon Blondies with the almond meal and Truvia!

Keto Flu

So it looks like what I have been dealing with is what is known as “Keto Flu”. Today I felt halfway normal, with the exception of some tummy troubles, no thanks to leftover KFC from the night before (just chicken, no sides!). Not a smart idea. But no real bad headaches, no dizziness, no feeling faint. However, I am still weak and dealing with a ton of brain fog at the moment. I hope THAT passes.

With that, I want to say that my cravings for carbs are becoming fewer and fewer. I am still unable to keep my carbs under 60. Most of the time it’s in the 80-ish range, and I am fine with that. I am pretty sure my bariatric nurse would disagree and maybe it would impede my approval for the bariatric surgery if I choose to go that route, but in the long run, if 45-60 grams of carbs doesn’t work for me, I am not going to push it. I will do what I can. I don’t think 80 is too high or too much to ask for. Could I deal with less? Absolutely. This is a good starting point. Maybe as time goes by I can decrease my carb intake.

Also, I must say that it does irk me to think that my nurse seems to really be pushing the lower lower end of the carb count, and while I understand it’s for aggressive weight loss, I wish she would understand that I JUST started this program and my body is not used to the lower amount of carbs that I am taking in. It’s been about two weeks now and two weeks of hell, but I am JUST starting to feel a bit better. I only hope this continues and that I won’t feel as weak so I can exercise regularly again.

On the upside to this, something I am becoming more and more aware of is the true value of nutrition in foods. When I see something that looks absolutely mouth-watering, I pause and wonder how many carbohydrates are in it. How much sugar is in it. Then I realize that it cannot work for me because it isn’t part of my diet plan. When I go out and need to figure out what to eat, I have my MFP handy to help me determine what I can safely eat. This is becoming my life on a daily basis. This is the lifestyle change that I have been wanting to implement for so long but did not have the tools to do so. There is progress, and that is a perfect example of it.

That being said, Saturdays will still be my cheat day, but I have limited myself to no more than 150 grams of carbs with one major treat for the day. My treat for this Saturday is something I have been wanting to try – An Eggnog Chai from Starbucks. In a tall size. I can’t even drink a Grande anymore and for me that is a HUGE deal! Small steps, and it’s paying off. With my luck, I am going to hate the Eggnog Chai…but it will be worth the wait. I haven’t had one drop of Eggnog yet, and if you know me, you know how much I love my Eggnog. 

Now the holidays are next, and I have said I wanted those days to be my “free” days, but I’m not so sure anymore. One step at a time…